I'm not scared, I'm out of here...

Is this interview thing getting old? Are you tired of reading about me?

Well, I certainly hope not, because I have not one, but TWO for you this morning! Oh, grab your coffee and hunker down.

First, Powells.com is running a Q&A with me about my favorite books, my ideal day, and the best "Simpsons" episode ever. (One word: Homerpalooza).

And then Miss LK Madigan has included me in her series "Authorial Intrusion", where she asks authors questions that have nothing to do with writing. Instead, you'll hear about, among other things, why I hate snorkeling. So go! Read! After you finish reading this entry, of course.

This is going to be my attempt to meld current-life experiences with life experiences from 4 years ago. I hope this works. As some of you may recall, I saw Modest Mouse and R.E.M. last week at the Hollywood Bowl, and there were two moments during the show that really struck a nerve with me. Don't you just love when that happens?

Anyhoo, 4 years ago, I was broke. I was getting over a terrible illness, had no money, no job, and my bank account laughed at me every time I dared to look at my balance. I swear, it really laughed. I was exhausted and stressed and sort of at the breaking point. I sent out dozens of emails for job ads on Craigslist and other places, but the only response I got was for a temp agency in Century City. I figured, "Hey, I can type a bazillion words a minute, I'm friendly enough, and if pressed, I can look presentable. What's to lose?" So I trooped over to Century City in a very business-y outfit, feeling hopeful, feeling good, ready to kick ass and take names in the temping world.

And then I met the most miserable woman alive who worked in the most miserable office imaginable.

You know how some people are unhappy, so they do all they can to bring down everyone else? That was this woman, and it was all the women around her, too. You could tell that everyone in the room hated everyone else for reasons that I can't even begin to imagine, but which I'm sure centered around such things as who had the better purse & shoes.

Yeah.

(I should probably point out here that I'm sure there are wonderful temp services staffed by lovely people. This just happened to not be one of them.)

So we sat in a tiny office and this woman glared at me--I am not even joking--for almost 10 minutes while she looked at my resume and listed all the jobs that I could have had if I had come in for an interview sooner. There was lots of disappointed sighing on her part. Meanwhile, I sat under fluorescent lights and felt very small and squirmy and wondered if it would be bad manners to ask to use the restroom and then just slip out the door.

But I stayed.

So after listing all the jobs that would have been perfect for me, this woman looked up and said, "I want to send you out on a job," and then proceeds to describe a job that I had absolutely no qualifications for whatsoever. So I smiled and nodded and nodded and smiled (by the way, here's a tip: any time you find yourself nodding and smiling for more than 5 minutes straight, something is not right) and then said, "Hey, that sounds great, but just so you know, I have no idea how to do any of that."

And just as I was about to launch into my spiel about how I'm a fast learner and how I really really wanted to work again, this woman looks at me and says, "You know, I used to be like that, too, and then I learned to--how should I put this?--get over myself."

Cut to 10 minutes later, and I'm sitting outside crying in some cement garden in Century City. I was convinced that this was going to be my fate, that I was going to end up becoming some pinched, bitter woman who was mean to everyone around me. Everything felt terrible, like it would never be okay again, and I was scared.

I climbed into my car, still sniffling, and turned the radio on. Halfway home, Modest Mouse's "Float On" started to play. "Well, we'll float on, good news is on the way," it sang to me, and I believed it. "Don't worry, even if things end up a bit too heavy, we'll all float on." I turned it up and sang louder all the way back home. "We'll all float on okay!"

And lo, 4 years later, here I was sitting at the Hollywood Bowl last Thursday night, listening to "Float On" being played live while all around me, people danced and sang along. The song was right, it was all okay, and I sang with everyone else and remembered that horrible afternoon when nothing felt good.

It's good to look back sometimes, don't you think?

Modest Mouse, "Float On"

"Don't you worry / Even if things end up a bit too heavy we'll all float on alright..."

After Modest Mouse played, R.E.M. took the stage and proceeded to be freaking amazing. But what really got me was Michael Stipe's introduction to "Electrolite", which is one of my favorite R.E.M. songs. Just in case you can't see the YouTube clip, here's a transcription of his speech:

"It's actually one of my favorite songs, and the reason I'm telling this story here is because this song, for me, kind of embodies the time I lived in Santa Monica for a couple of years with my best friends. Every now and then, they would go on one of those late-night drives where there's no traffic and we'd climb up into the hills and go up to Mulholland and think about all the people that have come through this beautiful city, all the people that are here right now. And so with that, I dedicate this song to the city of Los Angeles, the city of dreams. This is called 'Electrolite'."

R.E.M., "Electrolite"

"If you ever want to fly / Mulholland Drive / Up in the sky / Stand on a cliff and look down there / Don't be scared / You are alive..."

Well, between the "Float On" memories and then this introduction, I just about lost it in the middle of the Hollywood Bowl. I've done that same Mulholland late-night drive more times than I can count, especially during those lean days when I was sick and unemployed and felt about as worthy as pocket lint. And I don't care how cheesy this sounds, but these songs put me back together when I was broken and I will never forget it.

Wow, okay. I hope this didn't sound like the After-School Special of blog posts, but I just wanted to write this down somewhere so I didn't forget it. And I hope that if you're having a bad time right now, you find something that makes you smile, even if it's something as silly as a pop song.

Oh, and P.S. Tomorrow I'm going to shake it up and actually post about books for a change. Get ready, kittens! Haha!

Comments

[Chanel-wa]

ooooh, i love cheesy stories. I would write more in this comment but I have gooooooogle homwork and, like, 4 interviews to read.

oh yeah, i have to preorder Bogus to Bubbly by Scott Westerfeld too! I love Scott Westerfeld.....dreams, dreams....

[Varsha]

I love the interviews- it's cool to learn more about awesometastic authors like yourself :) I am in love with that line btw. Homer & Billy Corgan. That just made my day.

That story is inspirational- music always saves me too. Music HEALS, ladies and gentlemen. "Float On" is amazing. I have finals (ugh. i hate the 'f' word. lol), and i've made a "cram-all-you-can-into-your-head" playlist, and I'm definitely adding this. Thanks so so much, like music, you have saved me too =]

p.s.- I listened to Jonesy's Jukebox Jury and I loved it!! and, no, you didn't laugh too much. it's better to laugh than not at all =]

[Maret]

I had a Monchichi! I still even remember the theme song! Oh, generational flashbacks. R.E.M. rocked, lady -- that was fun. Good post today.

[Gwen]

I was at their DC show last week, and when Michael introduced Electrolite I teared up because it made me miss LA, and it just felt wrong to hear that song somewhere other than the Hollywood Bowl. And I've done that Mulholland drive quite a bit, too, although more often it was the less-romantic-but-at-least-I-could-drive-really-fast late night drive down the 101.